Anton’s Best Man Speech


November 30, 2012

Hi. I’m Kate, the girlfriend of Anton Osmeña, best man and brother of the groom. It’s an honor to be standing in the place of Anton.

When Anton found out last year that he was gonna be Mon’s best man, the first thing he said to me was, “Omigod! That means I have to make a speech. What am I gonna say?! Help! Could you write the speech for me?!”

I said, “No way! You write it. And besides, the wedding is more than one year away. You have plenty of time to work on it.” Anton replied, “But I want my speech to be funny. I don’t want it to be long-winded, boring, and cliche!”

So he would worry about this every month. By the summer of 2012, Anton came to me with a eureka moment. He said, “Babe, I finally have the perfect speech!” Well, I’m glad he told it to me early because, as you all know, our beloved Anton went to heaven on Oct. 5. So here I am giving you his unique and funny best man speech.

Here goes…

“The Top 10 Cliche Lines You’ll Hear in Wedding Speeches”
by Anton Miguel Osmeña

1. The introductory joke. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. As you all know, I am the brother of the groom. And as you may observe, I am the more handsome one.

2. The welcoming remarks. I’d like to officially welcome the bride to my family. Welcome, Jella. You are now part of the family.

3. The emo. I never had a sister growing up, but now that Jella is part of the family, I’ve gained a sister.

4. The embarrassing roast. Ladies and gentlemen, I promised the groom I wouldn’t reveal any dirty secrets and embarrassing stories from his past… But I will!

5. The elderly advice. Mon, be a good husband. Jella, be a good wife.

6. The blast from the past. When we were little boys, my brother and I would do everything together. We played together, took a bath together, and even shared the same underwear!

7. Complimenting the couple a.k.a. the brownie points. Doesn’t the groom look dashing in that stylish suit? And the beautiful bride, doesn’t she look lovely in that dress?

8. The overused joke. Another one bites the dust!

9. The predictable toast. May you have many, many children. A toast to many, many children!

10. For #10, I told Anton to end the list by saying something that’s not too cliche, something more serious that comes from his heart. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to finish this speech, so I’ll finish it for him.

#10 is from me, Kate Alvarez. I’m not an expert on weddings, but I think I know a lot about love. Love happens when you’ve peeled through the layers of a person’s image and character and have uncovered his bare essence–his soul. When you’ve seen the person for who he or she really is, his best and worst sides, his happiest and darkest moments, and you wouldn’t trade him for any other person in the world, then I believe you’ve found your soulmate.

Mon and Jella, your brother Anton and I hope that a soulmate is what you’ve both found in each other. I believe that Anton is somewhere up there watching all of this with your dad, smiling with us, crying with us, while Anton makes classic side comments and jokes about his favorite friends and relatives, especially the bride and groom.

You know Mon, Anton may have loved making fun of you, but you were his idol. He always looked up to you because you were always the leader and the popular fun guy, whether it’s in Crossfit, parties, or beach trips.

During his last few days, when I was scrambling for advice to give him to make him feel less depressed, I told him, “Why don’t you look up to someone you admire, someone you idolize, and see how he would handle your situation? Who do you look up to?”

Anton said, “Mon.”

Mon, I know you turned to Anton for advice about your problems when he was still alive. I want you to know that you can now turn to me. I may not be as great a listener as Anton, but I’ll be here.

So cheers to Anton and Tito Mike! Cheers to soulmates! And of course, let’s not forget, a toast to many many children! May you have many, many, many children!